I just found my new ‘friend’s’ separate blog, which says: ‘Scarlett scares me with the way she looks at me, I feel like she is shunning me from the group’.
Like, seriously? What the fuck. Firstly she is fucking stupid enough to be so careless with her blog, reblogging things from my personal tumblr so that I was bound to find it and then using my fucking name?
I cannot believe my fucking eyes. Not only are my best friends all trying to get rid of me, but I can’t even make new friends.
Everybody fucking hates me.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Shall I just go? Would that make everybody feel any better? Shall I just give up on having friends, because quite honestly that’s what I feel like I should do.
Everybody fucking hates me. I hate me. I am so sick of embarrassing myself all the time.
I am so sick of pretending that I don’t have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, because I do. I have been so in denial for years and years, but I can barely have people look at me anymore. I break down around cameras and I break down around mirror and I break down around people. And the worst part is? I can’t get help because I’m not pretty enough. I fucking hate this.
I want to just be fucking invisible.
I don’t see the point in losing weight even though I’m fat, and here is why:
I don’t hate myself much at the moment
I’m getting on with my family amazingly
I’ve accidentally lost a couple of pounds, and I don’t mind my weight so far
I am happy for the first time in a year
It feels nice
I want to be clever
I want to be beautiful
I want to be charming
I want to be sweet
I want to be assertive
I want to be recognised
I want to be appreciated
I don’t want to be me
Despite getting the highest grade in my entire school in my English exam, I could have done better. I sound fucking ridiculous, most of my friends got Ds. I hate being a perfectionist. Fucking hell. I’m such a selfish failure.